exploration of life to the limit of my mind, and then beyond

A gentle disclaimer : When I say limit, I mean limit that would content me at heart, not any externally set limit that is up to the general scrutinized expectations.

Left home more than a year ago at the end of 2013. It is now 2015. This Saturday morning, I sit by the lake, the middle heart of my project site that plants trees, and reminisce about the year that had passed by.

I could safely say in a way that I had done myself proud. There are no unexplored part of "what if" now. I had done everything I could to know for the certainty of that. I know myself much better than how I used to when I stepped out of y father's home door that Nov 2013, not so long after my 31st birthday.

I went on a very long long holiday. I never knew that I am a workaholic, one that must have a reason a guide a factor to fight for to live on, until the day I went on a long holiday with nothing else to do except to rest and to amuse myself within my means. Being an easily contented person, I actually do not need much. I would rather stay at home all day, and enjoy my own full time. Give me a nook and cranny, I would keep it clean, and then cook my meals, then watch my cartoons and read my books. And SLEEP. Boy did i sleep whenever I could. My body went into full swing rest mode, needing all the rest it had been previously deprived.

I would only be kidding myself to say that I am an ambitious person. LOL.
Definitely not. Naturally lazy and slow paced, but crazily rushy and uptight when given a task, I swing from one end to another like a pendulum. I would go all the way till the end of what I could muster, and then take a very deep good rest. In which to say, such pattern is not suitable when a work task demands ongoing consistency of effort. I do sprints ok, but just not a good one in marathon. I run out of breath very soon. Too soon. The fact that I am a perfectionist when trying to get certain things done does not help this case. Or maybe, the whole thing combine to make me me, and I am honestly contented with who I am, at ease at it, and enjoy being me, especially the part of my habit that would take me directly out of my comfort zone to see how far I could go, until the point i would declare no more.

It is at the point when I start out from the limit of my mind could imagine, that I begun to discover thing,that my mind, or rather, mind itself is one of the biggest deceiver I have ever had. The joke would be, I thought I own my mind. Wonder who is the bigger fool, the one that thought is the owner of the mind, or the mind thinking it is the owner.